For brides, wedding planning typically starts long before there’s an actual ring on your finger and a date set for the big day. Whether you began imagining the wedding of your dreams when you were a little girl, or if one special man has put you on the fast track to saying “I do,” chances are you have a good idea of what your ideal wedding looks like.
While many grooms are happy to let their brides-to-be handle all the wedding planning, some men want to have a heavier hand in the process. You might also have visions of including your fiancé in the wedding plans, incorporating him in the process so that your wedding reception is a true collaboration. Here are some tips on including your fiancé in a way that will suit you both:
The Way to Man’s Heart is through His Stomach: Some aspects of wedding planning (like flowers or bridal party gowns) tend to be a little bit less appealing to men than others. One area in which most men are happy to help is in choosing the menu and wedding cake.
Set Aside “Groom Days”: Chances are you’ll be planning your wedding every day until the big event. Little details, phone calls, and decisions will take up quite a bit of your time and mental energy. Asking your fiancé to contribute the same level of commitment isn’t always fair, since his perception of wedding planning is inherently different than yours. However, you can set aside entire days in which he can be your partner in the process. Choose a weekend or a few evenings to make a “date” together. You can listen to bands, go shopping for wedding favors, or perform other necessary tasks. Be sure and end the date with something fun, like a romantic dinner for two or a visit to the movies.
Narrow Down the Choices for Him: Asking your fiancé what flowers he wants or who he thinks you should hire for photography might not be the most effective way to get answers — especially answers you agree with. Instead of asking his opinion on a whole array of choices, narrow the field down. Set three flower choices in front of him or narrow the videographer down to your top five. This way, your fiancé won’t be overwhelmed by choices, and you’ll be sure to approve of the final outcome.
Don’t Take Things Personally: The truth is that many men don’t approach wedding planning the same way women do. Just because your fiancé doesn’t take the initiative to help or make decisions doesn’t equal a lack of caring. He may feel like he doesn’t want to intrude, or that his opinion won’t matter. He might also prefer to support you rather than take the reigns himself. If you want or need help, ask for it directly — but don’t micromanage. Give him tasks he can do (but that won’t be catastrophic if they aren’t 100 percent the way you would do them).
The most important thing to remember is that the success of your wedding plans isn’t necessarily an indication of the success of your marriage. Although putting an emphasis on communication will only help solidify your relationship, many happy marriages began with a groom whose sole responsibility was to fit into his tuxedo on the day of the wedding. Trust your fiancé to do his best…and do your best to enjoy his help. Planning a wedding is stressful, but it can also be fun!